I have not posted in some time, as I have been inwardly searching for my own voice. As a student, I have read immense amounts of material in books, online, research, etc, yet when I write I generally find that I am writing other peoples thoughts. I generally synthesize material into new forms, but still it is not really original. So what am I trying to say, not that anyone needs to listen, but the process of my seeking is bringing up some good inner work.
I have been in Reichian therapy now for many years (5 now) and recently had, several awakening experiences over the 5 years, and the latest experience was really interesting. I have been working through some very old throat armoring, way old. So old, that my nervous system has forgotten how to open, yield, or soften, some of the more subtle mechanics of fascia, muscle, and nerves. I have begun to notice an area can take up to 3-7 sessions to move a primary knot of numb disconnection-disassociation and bring the feeling/sensational experience back into the integrity of my whole somatic organization.
My last session was a movement of a major knot, literally. As always I began the session with deep open breathing, slowly building up my bio-electric charge, which reveals the present organization of my nervous system, and then following the movement of sensation. This movement generally begins as reluctance to feel anything in the form of yawning, thinking, talking, coughing, itching, etc, all of this is my habitual way to block the depth of my feeling. As my resistance builds, I am more and more agitated, which leads to frustration and anger. This time my anger disappeared into despair and quickly into apathetic frozen-ness. This was new and I tracked it as a trauma fear cycle that had been covered and covered and covered and covered by years of life. Out of the frozen-ness emerged an intense cough. A quick note about this cough: I have had a wide range of throat issues since I was very young. From 9-12 I had a coughing tick and most of my life I have had an issue with phlegm, so the cough has come up every time I get to a certain spot in my therapeutic process. I had recognized it as a somatic marker, but I have no traumatic recollections. Nonetheless, the cough came literally out of the frozen apathetic state I was in and choked me. I could not breath for 1-3 seconds and as I came out of it, I felt a wave of intense liberation, thus opening my breath, neck, throat, and back muscles in a new way. I had a keen realization that muscle, fascia, breath, nerves, brain chemistry, diet, emotions, and way of being were all held tightly in a bundle of contraction.
With consistent effort ticking away at this in therapy, I have moved a major block in my life. Whats interesting about this is now I am asking questions such as; "What is it I want to say?"
Stay tuned and "What do you want to say" and "Do we think for our self?"
